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Please Consider These When Forwarding
Subject: 10 Points to consider before you forward that latest E Mail Message......

1. Big companies don't do business via chain letter. Bill Gates is not giving you , and Disney is not giving you a free vacation. There is no baby food company issuing class-action checks. You can relax; there is no need to pass it on "just in case it's true." Furthermore, just because someone said in the message, four generations back, that "we checked it out and it's legit," does not actually make it true.
2. There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans. No one is waking up in a bathtub full of ice, even if a friend of a friend swears it happened to their cousin. If you are insistent on believing the kidney-theft ring stories, please see: http://urbanlegends.tqn.com/library/weekly/aa062997.htm And I quote: "The National Kidney Foundation has repeatedly issued requests for actual victims of organ thieves to come forward and tell their stories. None have. That's "none," as in "ZERO." Not even your friend's cousin.
3. Neiman Marcus doesn't really sell a cookie recipe. And even if they do, we all have it. And even if you don't, you can get a copy at: http://www.bl.net/forwards/cookie.html Then, if you make the recipe, decide the cookies are that awesome, feel free to pass the recipe on. (But I hear they stink.)
4. We all know all 500 ways to drive your roommates crazy, irritate co-workers, gross-out bathroom stall neighbors, and creep out people on an elevator. We also know exactly how many engineers, college students, Usenet posters, and people from each and every world ethnicity it takes to change a light bulb.
5. Even if the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) DID contain plutonium that went to particulate over the eastern seaboard, do you REALLY think this information would reach the public via an AOL chain-letter?
6. There is no "Good Times" virus. In fact, you should never, ever, ever forward any email containing any virus warning unless you first confirm it at an actual site of an actual company that actually deals with virii. Try: http://www.symantec.com/avcenter/hoax.html And even then, don't forward it. We don't care.
7. If your CC: list is regularly longer than the actual content of your message, you're probably going to be punished eternally. (Ever heard of BCC:?)
8. If you're using Outlook, IE, or Netscape to write email, turn off "HTML encoding." Those of us on Unix shells can't read it, and don't care enough to save the attachment and then view it with a web browser, since you're probably forwarding us a copy of the Neiman-Marcus Cookie Recipe anyway.
9. If you still absolutely MUST forward that 10th-generation message from a friend, at least have the decency to trim the eight miles of headers showing everyone else who's received it over the last 6 months. It sure wouldn't hurt to get rid of all the ">" that begin each line either. Besides, if it has gone around that many times, we've probably already seen it.
10. Craig Shergold in England is not dying of cancer or anything else at this time and would like everyone to stop sending him their business cards. He apparently is also no longer a "little boy" either.


Subject: Bad Dog A guy walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch. The bartender poured him the drink and the guy drank it down in one gulp. "Wow," said the bartender. "Something bad musta happened." "I came home early today," answered the guy. "I went up to the bedroom,and there was my wife having sex with my best friend." The bartender poured the dude another triple shot. "This one's on the house." The guy gulped it down once again. The bartender asked, "Did you say anything to your wife?" The guy answered, "Yeah, I walked up to her and told her we were through.'Pack your bag's and get out!' I told her." "What about your friend?" asked the bartender. "I looked him straight in the eye and said, 'Bad dog!'"			Funny E-Mails Subject: Wonder.. 1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set. 2. A day without sunshine is, like, night. 3. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 6. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? 7. Honk if you love peace and quiet. 8. Remember, half the people you know are below average. 9. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains? 10. Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool. 11. He who laughs last thinks slowest. 12. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 13. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 14. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back. 15. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 16. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. 17. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. 18. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. *********************************** Subject: Meditations ~The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. ~Home is where you can say anything you like, 'cause nobody listens to you anyway. ~I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here." ~I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast." ~I don't have a big ego, I'm way too cool for that. ~I see your IQ test results were negative. ~Regular naps prevent old age.....especially if you take them while driving. ~Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either. ~I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected. ~The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value. ~I have learned there is little difference in husbands, you might as well keep the first. ~If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. ~I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horsebackriding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters." ~Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys. ~I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect. ~Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive." ~No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning. ~I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: CHECKOUT TIME IS 18." ~How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America? ~Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well? ~How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. ~On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was... surrounded by trees and bushes. ~Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. ~Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool? ~Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked? ~I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved. ~Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled. ~Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been." ************************************ Subject: How Do These People Survive??!! 1. Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets", said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine,or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets. 2. The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago.I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me "Do you know how much this is?" and I said to her I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today". She said OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened. 3. A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy"... 4. I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car.Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked."No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries it's a long walk. 5. Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper,"the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper,put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.(It probably was a resume for the White House internship!) 6. I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister".I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich. 7. My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?" 8. I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed. 9. Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed. ***************************** Subject: The Womens Moods/The Mens Moods An angel of truth and a dream of fiction, a woman is a bundle of contradiction. She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse, but will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house. She'll take him for better, she'll take him for worse. She'll break open his head and then be his nurse but when he's well and can get out of bed she'll pick up the tea-pot and aim for his head. Beautiful and keenly sighted, yet blind, crafty and cruel, yet simple and kind she'll call him a king, then make him a clown, raise him on a pedestal, then knock him flat down. She'll inspire him to deeds that ennoble man, or make him her lackey to carry her fan. She'll run away from him and never come back but if he runs away, then she'll be on his tracks sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose, she'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose, she'll win you in range, enchant you in silk she'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad, she'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad. The Moods of a Man Tired Horny *********************************** Subject: The Genie A couple went golfing one day at a very exclusive course lined with million dollar homes. On the third tee, the husband cautioned, "Honey, be careful when you drive.If we break a window on any of those gorgeous homes, it'll cost us a fortune to repair!" Of course, the wife promptly shanked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there,find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us." So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.A warm voice said, "come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?","Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied."Oh, no apology is necessary.Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind,I'll keep the last one for myself.","Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!","And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked."I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said."Consider it done," the genie said."And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!","And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?","Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.",The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?",She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right.Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind." "But what about you, honey?","You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same for you!",So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.After about three hours of nonstop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into the wife's eyes. "How old are you and your husband?","Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly."No kidding! Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?" *********************************************** Subject: Animals are funny A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe, my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant, my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them,looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up. "Lion, my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health!Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the shit out of the little rabbit. As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!" The lion answers, "That little fucker makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's on ecstasy !" *********************************************** Subject: Blonde Jokes SPACEY A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian bragged, "We were the first in space!" The American retorted, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and theAmerican looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you fool. You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!" MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!! A police officer stops a blonde for speeding, and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. Huffily, she replied, "I wish you guys would make up your mind.Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" NO BRAINER A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. When it was her turn, she rolled the dice, and landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?" HELP!!! An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room? "Why not?" the captain asked. "There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb! ************************************************** Subject: The American And The Canadian An American is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Canadian man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Canadian who, nevertheless, starts a conversation: Canadian: "You American folk eat the whole bread??" American (in a bad mood): "Of course." Canadian: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Canada, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container,recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the States." The Canadian has a smirk on his face. The American listens in silence. The Canadian persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??" The American replies: "Of course we do." Canadian: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In Canada we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to the States." The American then asks: "Do you have sex in Canada?" Canadian: "Why of course we do", the Canadian says with a big smirk. American: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?" Canadian: "We throw them away, of course." American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Canada.
Sweet Emails Subject: True Love.... As you got up this morning, I watched you, and hoped you would talk to me, even if it was just a few words, asking my opinion or thanking me for something good that happened in your life yesterday. But I noticed you were too busy, trying to find the right outfit to wear. When you ran around the house getting ready, I knew there would be a few minutes for you to stop and say hello, but you were too busy. At one point you had to wait fifteen minutes with nothing to do except sit in a chair. Then I saw you spring to your feet. I thought you wanted to talk to me but you ran to the phone and called a friend to get the latest gossip instead. I watched patiently all day long. With all your activities I guess you were too busy to say anything to me. I noticed that before lunch you looked around, maybe you felt embarrassed to talk to me, that is why you didn't bow your head. You glanced three or four tables over and you noticed some of your friends talking to me briefly before they ate, but you didn't. That's okay. There is still more time left, and I hope that you will alk to me yet. You went home and it seems as if you had lots of things to do. After a few of them were done, you turned on the TV. I don't know if you like TV or ot, just about anything goes there and you spend a lot of time each day in front of it not thinking about anything, just enjoying the show. I waited patiently again as you watched the TV and ate your meal, but again you didn't talk to me. Bedtime ... I guess you felt too tired. After you said goodnight to your family you plopped into bed and fell asleep in no time. That's okay because you may not realize that I am always there for you. I've got patience, more than you will ever know. I even want to teach you how to be patient with others as well. I love you so much that I wait everyday for a nod, prayer or thought or a thankful part of your heart. It is hard to have a one-sided conversation. Well, you are getting up once again. And once again I will wait, with nothing but love for you. Hoping that today you will give me some time. Have a nice day! Your friend, GOD ****************************************** Subject: To My Child..... To My Child Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying. Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is. Just for this morning, I am going to step over the Laundry,and pick you up and take you to the park to play. Just for this morning,I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together. Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone And keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles. Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the Ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by. Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned. Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them. Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys. Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you. Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry. Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars. Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favourite TV shows. Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given. I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore. And when I kiss you goodnight I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day............. ******************************* Subject: Friends Forever "Friends forever," she said. "Friends forever," he said. Eight years old and they made the vow to remain friends forever. "I need some room," she said. "I'll back away," he said. Ten years old and they made the vow to give each other space. "Does Tommy like me?" she asked. "I'll find out," he said. Twelve years old and he made the vow to find out if Tommy liked her. "He doesn't love me anymore," she said. "He doesn't deserve you," he said. Fourteen years old and he made the vow to love her forever. "Nobody loves me," she said. "I know someone who does," he said. Sixteen years old and he made the vow to love her forever. "I'm getting married," she said. "I'll be there," he said. Eighteen years old and he made the vow to forever hold his peace. "I got divorced yesterday," she said. "I'm here for you," he said. Twenty years old and he made the vow to be there for her forever. "Why doesn't anyone love me?" she asked. "I have always loved you," he said. Twenty-two years old and he made the vow to keep on loving her. "I could never love you," she said. "I could never stop," he said. Twenty-four years old and he made the vow to never love again. "I can never see you again," she said. "I can never live again," he said. Twenty-six years old and he made the vow to never live again. "I'm sorry," she said. Twenty-eight years old and he made the vow as he lay in an open casket. "Whats betta? a lie that draws a smile or the truth that draws a tear?" " last night I looked up at the stars and matched each one with a reason why I love you, I was doing great, but then I ran out of stars." "Loving you is like breathing.....how can i stop?" " Love is when you dont want to go to sleep because reality is better than a dream" "love is like quicksand-the farther you fall,the harder it is to get out." Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips! ~I was born when you kissed me. I died when you left me. But I lived for the year you loved me! ~Tears are like kisses, the real ones you can't hold back! ~Have you ever noticed That the words... "Goodbye" "I'm sorry" "I love you" are such easy words,yet are so hard to say? ************************************************** Subject: Maybe Maybe Maybe God wanted us to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift. Maybe when the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one, which has been opened for us. Maybe the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had. Maybe it is true that we do not know what we have got until we lose it,but it is also true that we do not know what we have been missing until it arrives. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back.Do not expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but if it does not, be content it grew in yours. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone,and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. Do not go for looks; they can deceive. Do not go for wealth; even that fades away.Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile. There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real. Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go;be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do. May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy. Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too. The happiest of people do not necessarily have the best of everything;they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched,and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past,you cannot go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you are the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying. WARNING: Sick Humour Subject: Sex-y Email ORAL SEX-AN ODE TO LOVE Penis breath,a lover'sdread Is what you get when you give head Unpleasant as it tends to be Be grateful that he doesn't pee It's times like this,you wonder why you bothered reaching for his fly But it's too late,can't be a tease Accept the facts,get on your knees You know you've got a job to do So open wide and shove it through Lick the tip then take it all Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl Slide up and down,use your tongue And feel the precum start to run So when the fuck's he gonna cum Just, when you can't take anymore You hear yourl over's mighty roar And when he hits that real high note You feel it oozing down your throat Salty,fishy,sticky,yucky stuff Okay,already that's enough Let's switch you say,before you gag And what's your revenge,your on the rag. THE TOP TEN MEN 1.The Doctor because he says,"Take off your clothes" 2.The Dentist because he says,"Open Wide" 3.The hair dresser because he says,"Do you want it teased or blown" 4.The Milkman because he says,"Do you want it in front or in back?" 5.The Interior Decorator because he says,"Once you have it all in,you'll love it." 6.The Banker because hesays,"If you take it out to soon,you'll lose interest" 7.The Police Officer because he says,"Spread'em" 8.The Mailman because he always delivers his package. 9.The Pilot because he takes off fastand then slows down. 10.The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush,shoots twice List of Possible Slogans Promoting National Condom Week 1.cover your stump before you hump 2.before you attack her wrap yer wacker 3.dont be silly protect your willy 4.when doubt.shroud yer spout 5.dont be a loner cover yer boner 6.you can go wrong if you shield your dong 7.if youre not going to sack it,go home and whack it 8.if you think shes spunky,cover your monkey 9.if you slip between her thighs,be sure to ondomize. 10.It will be sweeter if you wrap your Peter 11.She wont get sick,if you wrap your dick 12.If you go into heat,package your meat 13.While you're undressing Venus,Dress up your penis 14.When you take of her pants and blouse,slip up your trouser mouse. 15.Especially in December,gifter wrap yer member 16.Never,Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker. 17.Dont be a fool,Vulcanize your tool. 18.The right selection will protect your erection. 19.Wrap it in foil,before you check her oil 20.A crank with armor,will never harm her 21.No glove,No love ***************************************************			Please Consider These When Forwarding Subject: 10 Points to consider before you forward that latest E Mail Message...... 1. Big companies don't do business via chain letter. Bill Gates is not giving you , and Disney is not giving you a free vacation. There is no baby food company issuing class-action checks. You can relax; there is no need to pass it on "just in case it's true." Furthermore, just because someone said in the message, four generations back, that "we checked it out and it's legit," does not actually make it true. 2. There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans. No one is waking up in a bathtub full of ice, even if a friend of a friend swears it happened to their cousin. If you are insistent on believing the kidney-theft ring stories, please see: http://urbanlegends.tqn.com/library/weekly/aa062997.htm And I quote: "The National Kidney Foundation has repeatedly issued requests for actual victims of organ thieves to come forward and tell their stories. None have. That's "none," as in "ZERO." Not even your friend's cousin. 3. Neiman Marcus doesn't really sell a cookie recipe. And even if they do, we all have it. And even if you don't, you can get a copy at: http://www.bl.net/forwards/cookie.html Then, if you make the recipe, decide the cookies are that awesome, feel free to pass the recipe on. (But I hear they stink.) 4. We all know all 500 ways to drive your roommates crazy, irritate co-workers, gross-out bathroom stall neighbors, and creep out people on an elevator. We also know exactly how many engineers, college students, Usenet posters, and people from each and every world ethnicity it takes to change a light bulb. 5. Even if the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) DID contain plutonium that went to particulate over the eastern seaboard, do you REALLY think this information would reach the public via an AOL chain-letter? 6. There is no "Good Times" virus. In fact, you should never, ever, ever forward any email containing any virus warning unless you first confirm it at an actual site of an actual company that actually deals with virii. Try: http://www.symantec.com/avcenter/hoax.html And even then, don't forward it. We don't care. 7. If your CC: list is regularly longer than the actual content of your message, you're probably going to be punished eternally. (Ever heard of BCC:?) 8. If you're using Outlook, IE, or Netscape to write email, turn off "HTML encoding." Those of us on Unix shells can't read it, and don't care enough to save the attachment and then view it with a web browser, since you're probably forwarding us a copy of the Neiman-Marcus Cookie Recipe anyway. 9. If you still absolutely MUST forward that 10th-generation message from a friend, at least have the decency to trim the eight miles of headers showing everyone else who's received it over the last 6 months. It sure wouldn't hurt to get rid of all the ">" that begin each line either. Besides, if it has gone around that many times, we've probably already seen it. 10. Craig Shergold in England is not dying of cancer or anything else at this time and would like everyone to stop sending him their business cards. He apparently is also no longer a "little boy" either.
			Visitors Emails You Drive Like Crazy by Becka Rutherford Baby in my Subaru Sitting in traffic oh what can i do Baby i may be a jerk The cars ain't moving Can't drive home from work Any time you look at me My heart is pumpin' I'm coronary You drive like crazy,just like a freak i hit sqeegee kids,'bout once a week Oh oh oh crazy,I'm on overload Baby you are so right I do own the road Tell me you're an ididot What are you steering with?Maybe your butt Anytime I cure at you,I give you the finger But you deserve two You drive like crazy,just like a freak I hit sqeegee kids,'bout once a week Oh oh oh crazy,I'm on overload Baby you are so right 'I do own the road STOP!!! (brittney spears scream as a car skids and hits her)

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